Earlier on checking my emails, i received email from my elder sister ..This sister of mine keep thinking she is BIG ah.. always hold stupid authority in taking over matters into her hands when she already married off. I feel pissed off when i checked website link that she trying help me find job. Wow i am damned pissed off and fed up when they keep interfere with my life by help me find job. Guess what job she is trying help me find? Work at famous coffee shop YA KUN toast..? I feel like swear at her .. i was fuming mad.
Well i been unemployed haha.. i sure my being unemployed put her to shame.. Hmmm i will not reveal my age here. Know what she is a bitch,pretend to be helpful.. Yucks.. it put me off and piss me off. Few years ago upon my graduation, i been finding jobs online and offline.. newspapers. I was hard hit.. when facing no reply to interviews. what can i do? With no working experience and my hearing disabilities. Finally spent one year found part time work at KFC where i been working about 1 and half years though got promoted but pay is terrible low..
Not until i found other job with average pay working temporarily can't reveal a place.. But i don't like boss's fickle mind.. and i will go bonkers work alone in room with no pc. -_-'' terrible feeling.. i will go insane.... talking to myself alone..
Then i don't care and quit job. Yeah i know find job is not easy.. i knew it right.. u want me carrying on working that environment which will make me insane anytime.. ..o.o until i found job.
I don't want to work full time job already.. because have to sign stupid contract.. I prefer be free as bird.. so i choose part time.. job.. Since i know few online can earn money though not much.. No choice.. maybe i decide go out work part time.. no choice when i found online earn income is damned hard.. IT make me stoned...
Now i just want to scream out here.. and swearing at people.. leave me out and quit interfere with my life.. Oh how i miss my lovable grandma who never hurry me find job when i used to stay with her years ago.
I know what to do with my life as long as damned people stay out of my life.. sigh.. My stupid sister think i don't have other friends.. Damn her. hell with her.
Damn her.. All owe to her.. i unable excel in my studies when living with her and family.. But i do extremely well in my studies when staying over at my grandma's house because of grandma's encouragement.
ALL of you out there know why.? I guess my problem is insignificant matter compare to unfortunate people out there.
I am second in family, play fiddle in family meant giving in to elder and younger ones. No matter what they want. I always give in the end.. Who will give in to me and ever listen to me? WHo? They are my aunt and grandma.. I loved both of them...
They always believe in my abilities of studying..and encourage me alot during my difficult times and when i face obstacles in my school. They don't doubt my abilities.. Know why? At least i knew they are only ones more happy to know i done well in my studies unlike my own family... I grew tired being angel giving in.. Hence know why? Being second is known to have fiery temper.. But i was opposite.. haha cant imagine.. right? I was known to have short temper.. that's all..
Okay enough of my rambling here.. Time to end here..
Still fuming mad with stupid sister of mine...
In Bad and rotten mood
Should i commit suicide?
I yearned to travel yet was deprived of going somewhere else yet so near. I know my people around me tend to worry about my safety and lot of things.
All i wish is small thing able to travel see world.. yet was deprived..
I been asking for it... but they won't allow it.. What can i do when my family thinking was so conservative and protective.
Should i commit suicide or let it pass by? No way.. it seems not fair to me.. whY they can go so far n further to other countries.. Yet my request travel to malaysia not granted?
I knew they won't trust my judgement.. then why bother with my life...
My life was like an enclosed cage similar to zoo...
Ever since important person in my life was no longer around.. , i all wished is to travel other places with my other half.. Nobody will know what will happen in future..
Nobody can predict .. Today we live.. but will my tomorrow come...? Nobody know.
People i knew can be quite selfish and never think of me as human being..Or family. Never thought of taking me to travel with them.
Now i am grown up.. no longer want to travel with them
I just only want to travel with only one who can take me traveling sightseeing...
Yesterday i go to travel fair.. Wow so many people turned up at fair because travel packages look attractive and cheap.. .. Then my darling ask me whether do i want travel or not? I was indecisive and my family got hold of my passport.. How do caged person like me able to travel?
Though now i have freedom go out anytime or home late.. But.. singapore can be boring at times.. I yearn go to other places shopping or travel... What the hell... why that i can't do that? Sigh..
At the fair, my darling and i bumped onto old friend of ours.. He was deaf , older than me ..yet can travel alone to other countries.. Wow.. i was so envious and yet jealous..of him.. O_o..
I told him truth .. and he says oH god..
This friend of ours was so nice.. and even suggested lot of ways .. yet won't work out the way i wanted it to be.. He even asked my darling.. when he can take me traveling.. i told him Hard...
I still thinking.. what i want to do this time? I don't know.. and lament why i make lotsa mistakes..
sigh....... All i don't want to live anymore.. this way........... Even my siblings won't help me out..
Sucks hella.. They thought my darling will sell me off when i knew he won't do that..
I was damned pissed off.. and they wont trust my judgement.. So only way out for me vent out my angers on here.. Though i knew my problems can be trivial and small matter..
As i explained already, my dreams is to travel... THough i used to travel on cruises..cruise is damned boring.. all is about shaking body on cruise only never went out... venture.. dAmned boring......
As i mentioned earlier.. My siblings can be damned selfish.. and won't ask me single question whether want travel with them when they took mum travel to Hong KOng.. I was damned pissed off..
One time, my mum asked me want go to taiwan when she was supposed go for religious test .. crazy and stupid idea when i am grown up.. .. ARghhh..
I dare say foul word people never heard of me say before..
All i wish my family don't interfere TOO much with my life what i want to do..
STOP INTERFERE.. I HAVE ENOUGH of this life...
Perhaps i think too much that.. i wont be able to travel one day.. just passing remark only..
All i want to do simple thing.. is to travel.. THEY all think too much and read too much of 1 thing..
NOw i post this on blog... is to show unhappiness..
I been waiting for a chance to travel.. in past.. Now i have chance.. but deprived...
All they want to deprive me of chance and things i want to do..
I want ask people out there.. What you will do if you are in my shoes?
