Demise of my Beloved Ah Mai.....

For past a week, i been visiting my dearest grandma at hospital who is hospitalized on 1st may (labour's day) due to doctor's discovery of hollow hole near neck part. I came to know news of my ah mai ( granny) from my aunt and mum. I was totally stoned hear she is hospitalized. Not coz' i was heartless.. just speechless dunno what to do. My ah mai always doted and loved me most among all her grandchildren. Seems my whole family and relatives said that i am apple of eye in my ah mai's eye. Seem whenever i give her any food, she will eat or finish it up.

Hollow hole near my ah mai's neck is result of flesh eating bacteria. I was stoned and hear this fatal disease will eat up flesh by bacteria. On 2nd may, i went to visit ah mai with my whole family.. I seen her neck being bandaged due to surgery clean neck area part which is being eaten away by bacteria. I feel sad seeing her to suffer so much in pain. Not until few days later after her surgery, her condition is very critical. Which i heard that one monday morning, ah mai have heart attack and has stopped once. All owe to nurses and doctor's hard work whom they perform CPR shock on her chest, eventually saved her life and pulled her back.

Henceforth, upon hearing her critical condition that i began visit her often. Whenever i visit her, i will see her hands being swollen due to tube attached on her. Those tubes is filled with medicine to help her fight bacteria. However, i saw her hands being tied up coz' one time she did bang on bed in vent frustration as she is unable to speak, which she lost her voice box. It saddened me to hear that i wont hear her laughter i always never fail coax and make her laugh so loud.
Not until one time, my cousin's friend who works at ICU where my ah mai is warded informed us that her condition is not looking good as her blood pressure is dropping low level.
I heard that she always respond by moved her lips abit or blink her eyes or twist tight on her forehead whenever we call out her or talk with her.
I did greet her AH Mai everytime i visit her. I don't know why i nvr cry. Perhaps i don't want worry her. She suffer too much already.
Not until one fri dated on 9 may, i did greet her ah mai repeatedly that time i did see her blink eyes, she tried open her eyes twice just see me by responding me. However, i heard that my elder aunt did call her but she nvr responded. Becoz' i heard her condition is not good, nowadays she dont respond to ppl's greetings. Everytime i visit her, it saddened me to see her suffering in pain. When i look at her, i gently touched her forehead and her cheeks as i used to play pranks on her. It make her happier whenever i purposely play with her. It hurt me so much whenever i think of times i spent with ah mai. In order not let her to suffer too much anymore, we advise my 3rd aunt who is closet to ah mai, to talk with her to let go of everything and be free of suffering. Hence she has talked to her and my ah mai shown no response to my aunt words.

One saturday, almost all family and relatives turned up visit her which that time her condition is not good coz' her blood pressure is dropping low. That day, i have premonition about ah mai will leave us anytime. Not until dusk falls, some relatives go home already while i say i still want stay over nite due to my elder sis say my ah mai's blood pressure is low at 38 .. which make my premonition come true. My hunch is that ah mai make sure some of us will go back den she will leave us.. my guess is correct. almost half of ppl visit her in daytime go home already include all kids.. At least all of us did visit her.. But that day, i did ask aunt whether can i say some words to ah mai.. Coz' i dun wan ah mai suffer anymore in tis way. Coz' almost all uncles or aunts have told her stuffs i dunno wat they said to her. But it hurt me so much that i have to tell her that Ah Mai! dont worry abt us. We will be strong, will live, eat well and be happy. I even asked her. Do you trust joanne who will help 3rd aunt? I even told her.. Let go if you feel tired or feel pain ? also i keep repeat.. don't worry abt us.. WE all grown ups already and will take care of ourselves.
After those words i said ard 9pm.. Not until my ah mai passed on peacefully at 11 plus.. i was there witness her passed away which i keep seeing ASY mean zero heartbeat.. blood pressure drop to low level 20 + .. It make me stoned... Yet i nvr cry, know y i dun wan ah mai turn back to suffer again. Coz' i knew she will worry abt us.

Then around 15 mins plus, i go inside ICU again just see ah mai again. Not until i follow elder aunt and others inside.. i saw elder aunt rushing inside to hear what doctor say.. She fall down which shocked all of us present seeing her in panic and sadness.. Den i see 3rd uncle immediately hold her up and hug her tight as he wanted to make sure she's alright. I was worried abt her fall. =(
I go to ah mai's ward say last words to her. Ah mai, go slowly to other world and dont turn back. Once again for last time, i touched ah mai's forehead and said silently .. Farewell my beloved ah mai.. Be on the way to other world. It hurt me so much just say those words to her.. It make me sadder...

After see ah mai, we all went outside.. and discuss funeral preparations. Not until my 4th aunt reappeared after 20 mins plus. I see her so pale and panting away in anxious.. then she asked :" Is ah mai passed away? Elder aunt says yes. 4th aunt began sobbed hard. While i hold her arm and found it is bleeding from bad fall she experienced. I lead her to sit down while pat on her head.. don't cry.. i always hold tears be strong so can console others.

I also see my other elder cousin crying alot.. and i began console her that ah mai no longer have to suffer anymore.. I said juz let go of her.. and let her be free of suffering.
So many unexpected events happen on that day. Does it make me strong than before. I don't know.. Becoz' today is my ah mai's cremation day... All i know i will cherish happy moments i spend with ah mai..

Frankly speaking, ah mai is fortunate seeing some getting married and have great grand children... However, only regret is that she is unable see her favourite granddaughter get married and nvr get to drink ceremony tea...
Nonethess.. i love you Ah mai.. Farewell my ah mai. I was happy to know that you end sufferings and no longer have to worry about us. Thanks for Love and Doting on Me..
I was already emotional... when thinking of past... and happy moments.. i will always remembered... dearly..