Today i woke up especially early around 7am coz' i scared of being late for prayer session. Since still early so drink coffee and eat biscuits. Wow saw my dad also woke up too.. O.O'' So we watch tv news which discuss abt taiwan govt politics. Then my dad say it's too early so we sit a while .. Then dad said need call up my fourth aunt whether she is ready go off with us to ah mai's hse. My aunt say meet at mrt station at 8.30am so i told dad to go off around 8.15am.
Exact at 8.30am reach there to fetch aunt and her kids. =)
However, in my dad's van got 2 kids who are in primary school ask me ridiculous riddle.. which i knew exact answer.. take me stupig huh.. i just say any answer similar to that answer. While talking anything .. then we encountered short traffic jam around farrer road. Finally reach there around exact 9am plus..
I immediately take cloth stick on my right side sleeve and pay respects to ah mai. Also look at her for last time and bide my farewell to her..
Finally the monk came and begin prayer session. Usual chanting and bowing 3 times in front of ah mai. Final session is to hold items to praying which is applicable to all daughters and sons of ah mai. Sigh Why cant customs change abit? I am Ah mai's favourite granddaughter.. can't i hold items to pray for ah mai.
Done prayer around 11am. According to custom, we all have to walk distance to send off ah mai to her journey to other world. Then halfway we board bus which take us to mandai columbarium, where there's lot of expressway taking about 30 to 45 mins to reach. We reach there before 12pm.. exact at 11.45pm. do chanting prayer. I never expect hall 2 cold.... But ppl at mandai take us to place where we can view my ah mai coffin. I see it is appearing at left side corner which it is being moved to other mover. Gradually, it move slow slow towards the furnace where the door is open for the coffin. Half of us are crying.. But i am not crying coz' i need to be strong.. and deliver my promise as i made to ah mai.
Done viewing, we all went outside and take off our socks which have to be thrown away. Once done wear our shoes, we all go to toilet to relive ourselves. We all waiting for awhile before going off to temple where we have set up tablet for my ah mai, where it is located near tan tock seng hospital.. novena area.. Of course, we have do prayer and kneeling, holding items to pray...My wishes are granted as i wish to hold items to pray to ah mai. I remember we done exact ard 12.45 to 1pm and go back ah mai's hse downstairs makan lunch.. We are being served 5 dishes and a dessert.. so much that i am bloated. O.O coz' i eat too hurriedly ..WEll due to time limit, we have to rush back to mandai collect my ah mai's ashes which should end around 2pm.
After lunch finish exact at 2pm plus, we all go off to mandai ard 2.30pm.. because one of my relative have to pay bills at one go by cheque at last min.
We reach there nearly exact ard 3pm plus, we waited a while for someone who will be doing ashes placement into urn. We all being led into a room where we all can take one of bones placed inside urn. 1st, all sons of ah mai placed 50 cents coins into urn be4 can put bones... Seeing full of bones.. signify my ah mai already cremated and became bag of bones... I somehow feel at loss and pick bone to urn with heavy heart. I begin to think alot about ah mai.. tears began trickle down by itself... when i realized ah mai is gone 4ever and she remain in my heart. I think exact around be4 4pm we done ashes into urn.. we go off to mount vernon put urn together with my late grandpa.. At mount vernon, we do prayer 4 ah mai first whom monk will do chanting... while waiting for other ppl come in half an hour who is in charge of open my late grandpa's place and put inside my ah mai's urn together with it.
so all done at 5.20pm.. then we went back my ah mai's hse change white shirt into other shirt ..
Finally, my mum keep hurrying me and i immediately speed off.. to hawker centre makan abit.. tat's exact 6pm...Coz' my bro order claypot rice .. which take ages to be cooked.. so We finish dinner at 7pm.. hence i came home around 8pm. I was feeling tired physically from all those events. If i ever cried too much, i will collapse earlier. If not, you wont be reading this blog.
More will be updated later
cremation day of my beloved grandma
Demise of my Beloved Ah Mai.....
For past a week, i been visiting my dearest grandma at hospital who is hospitalized on 1st may (labour's day) due to doctor's discovery of hollow hole near neck part. I came to know news of my ah mai ( granny) from my aunt and mum. I was totally stoned hear she is hospitalized. Not coz' i was heartless.. just speechless dunno what to do. My ah mai always doted and loved me most among all her grandchildren. Seems my whole family and relatives said that i am apple of eye in my ah mai's eye. Seem whenever i give her any food, she will eat or finish it up.
Hollow hole near my ah mai's neck is result of flesh eating bacteria. I was stoned and hear this fatal disease will eat up flesh by bacteria. On 2nd may, i went to visit ah mai with my whole family.. I seen her neck being bandaged due to surgery clean neck area part which is being eaten away by bacteria. I feel sad seeing her to suffer so much in pain. Not until few days later after her surgery, her condition is very critical. Which i heard that one monday morning, ah mai have heart attack and has stopped once. All owe to nurses and doctor's hard work whom they perform CPR shock on her chest, eventually saved her life and pulled her back.
Henceforth, upon hearing her critical condition that i began visit her often. Whenever i visit her, i will see her hands being swollen due to tube attached on her. Those tubes is filled with medicine to help her fight bacteria. However, i saw her hands being tied up coz' one time she did bang on bed in vent frustration as she is unable to speak, which she lost her voice box. It saddened me to hear that i wont hear her laughter i always never fail coax and make her laugh so loud.
Not until one time, my cousin's friend who works at ICU where my ah mai is warded informed us that her condition is not looking good as her blood pressure is dropping low level.
I heard that she always respond by moved her lips abit or blink her eyes or twist tight on her forehead whenever we call out her or talk with her.
I did greet her AH Mai everytime i visit her. I don't know why i nvr cry. Perhaps i don't want worry her. She suffer too much already.
Not until one fri dated on 9 may, i did greet her ah mai repeatedly that time i did see her blink eyes, she tried open her eyes twice just see me by responding me. However, i heard that my elder aunt did call her but she nvr responded. Becoz' i heard her condition is not good, nowadays she dont respond to ppl's greetings. Everytime i visit her, it saddened me to see her suffering in pain. When i look at her, i gently touched her forehead and her cheeks as i used to play pranks on her. It make her happier whenever i purposely play with her. It hurt me so much whenever i think of times i spent with ah mai. In order not let her to suffer too much anymore, we advise my 3rd aunt who is closet to ah mai, to talk with her to let go of everything and be free of suffering. Hence she has talked to her and my ah mai shown no response to my aunt words.
One saturday, almost all family and relatives turned up visit her which that time her condition is not good coz' her blood pressure is dropping low. That day, i have premonition about ah mai will leave us anytime. Not until dusk falls, some relatives go home already while i say i still want stay over nite due to my elder sis say my ah mai's blood pressure is low at 38 .. which make my premonition come true. My hunch is that ah mai make sure some of us will go back den she will leave us.. my guess is correct. almost half of ppl visit her in daytime go home already include all kids.. At least all of us did visit her.. But that day, i did ask aunt whether can i say some words to ah mai.. Coz' i dun wan ah mai suffer anymore in tis way. Coz' almost all uncles or aunts have told her stuffs i dunno wat they said to her. But it hurt me so much that i have to tell her that Ah Mai! dont worry abt us. We will be strong, will live, eat well and be happy. I even asked her. Do you trust joanne who will help 3rd aunt? I even told her.. Let go if you feel tired or feel pain ? also i keep repeat.. don't worry abt us.. WE all grown ups already and will take care of ourselves.
After those words i said ard 9pm.. Not until my ah mai passed on peacefully at 11 plus.. i was there witness her passed away which i keep seeing ASY mean zero heartbeat.. blood pressure drop to low level 20 + .. It make me stoned... Yet i nvr cry, know y i dun wan ah mai turn back to suffer again. Coz' i knew she will worry abt us.
Then around 15 mins plus, i go inside ICU again just see ah mai again. Not until i follow elder aunt and others inside.. i saw elder aunt rushing inside to hear what doctor say.. She fall down which shocked all of us present seeing her in panic and sadness.. Den i see 3rd uncle immediately hold her up and hug her tight as he wanted to make sure she's alright. I was worried abt her fall. =(
I go to ah mai's ward say last words to her. Ah mai, go slowly to other world and dont turn back. Once again for last time, i touched ah mai's forehead and said silently .. Farewell my beloved ah mai.. Be on the way to other world. It hurt me so much just say those words to her.. It make me sadder...
After see ah mai, we all went outside.. and discuss funeral preparations. Not until my 4th aunt reappeared after 20 mins plus. I see her so pale and panting away in anxious.. then she asked :" Is ah mai passed away? Elder aunt says yes. 4th aunt began sobbed hard. While i hold her arm and found it is bleeding from bad fall she experienced. I lead her to sit down while pat on her head.. don't cry.. i always hold tears be strong so can console others.
I also see my other elder cousin crying alot.. and i began console her that ah mai no longer have to suffer anymore.. I said juz let go of her.. and let her be free of suffering.
So many unexpected events happen on that day. Does it make me strong than before. I don't know.. Becoz' today is my ah mai's cremation day... All i know i will cherish happy moments i spend with ah mai..
Frankly speaking, ah mai is fortunate seeing some getting married and have great grand children... However, only regret is that she is unable see her favourite granddaughter get married and nvr get to drink ceremony tea...
Nonethess.. i love you Ah mai.. Farewell my ah mai. I was happy to know that you end sufferings and no longer have to worry about us. Thanks for Love and Doting on Me..
I was already emotional... when thinking of past... and happy moments.. i will always remembered... dearly..
